God Really Loves You!

Well, and me too.


It's so easy to get into a downward spiral of pity and sadness.  You can go on for days, weeks, years, looking at all the misery in your own life and in the world. You start to be miserable. You start to wonder why all these horrible things are happening to you. You start to doubt that God is actually a God of love or mercy.  You start to covet other people's happy lives. 


The funny thing is, what you don't realize is that some of the same people you are coveting are coveting you right back.  Because, the sad thing is, when you start to dwell on all the darkness it blinds you to all the wonderful things of light you actually do have.


A few days back I decided I was really tired of the downward trend my mind had been taking.  I was ready for a new start.  I didn't feel a bit of joy in it but I chose to start thanking God for any little thing I could think of.  


Thank you that I have a family.


Thank you for my kids.


Thank you for my husband. 


Thank you that I live in a peaceful country and neighborhood.


Thank you that I have food in my kitchen.


I think I stopped there.  Obviously my list is pretty shabby and surface level but it did get my mind out of the muck of pity for a bit.


I decided that every time I went into the bathroom I had to think of something new to be thankful for.  


One time all I could think of was: thank you that my body works to go to the bathroom.


Sigh.


The next day I got a call from a gentleman who goes to our church.  He asked if he could take a look at our car that has a million miles on it and is not safe to drive.  


Sure. Why not?


He came over and started working.


At the same time, Asher's physical therapist came over for her monthly visit.  Asher was sleeping so we just chatted for a bit.  For some reason, Caedmon's trike came up.  A friend gave it to us a year ago and he has never been able to use it. We have taken it to several bike shops trying to find straps to hold his feet on and have never been successful.  It's been so frustrating!


Oh, says the PT, I have something at my office that would work.  Can I take it with me and bring it back tonight?


Wow!  Okay, sure, why not?


A few hours later I get a message from a friend.  I have some stuff my son doesn't need anymore, can I bring it by?


Sure. Why not?


The weekend mechanic knocks on the door.  He's spent 4 hours with my piece 'o crap car.  I think it's good to go, he says.  He gives me some receipts for some parts he had to buy, totalling less than $30 and refuses to take any more for his time and work.


An hour later, Caedmon's trike is sitting on my front step with blocks and straps for his feet.


A little while later there is a large bag of clothes and other items for my oldest that we've been needing to get him.


I started to cry.


Not because I got a bunch of stuff.  Anyone who's been following God for any amount of time knows He does not operate like that.  


However, my love language is acts of service.  It is how I most understand that someone loves me.  I look back over the last single day of my life and I realize that all these people were spoken to by God and answered His call to help my family out because He loves me.  Because it was important to Him to show little old me that He wasn't giving up on me regardless of my close embrace with darkness.


It's pretty humbling to think that God would do so much just to show His love for me.  It makes me think He must love me an amazing amount.


And, just so you know, He loves you that much too.