Overwhelmed

This week I was reminded of how overwhelmed I felt the first few months of Caedmon's life. There were so many different doctors, appointments, instructions, it was nearly impossible to keep everything straight. I remember Adam coming home from a doctor's appointment showing me a new medication we needed to give him and the directions for it and I couldn't understand anything he was saying. His mouth was moving and all I could hear was the sound of an adult on a Peanut's cartoon, 'Wah wah wahwah wahwah.'

Now I have two kiddos with lots of doctors, appointments, exercises, stretches, medications, and I do pretty well. Not perfect. There are days I wish I had an assistant, but we do alright. Caedmon had to go in to urgent care, we got a new prescription for our family's first run-in with strep, and I didn't bat an eye. New medication, no problem. It's amazing how far I've come in four years!

I feel like the reminder was a little sign of God telling me He's here still. Walking this walk with us still. Because this week we also talked to Caedmon's doctor about ordering his first wheelchair.

You know how hard it is to even type that? I don't want that to be true. In the back of my mind I've wanted to believe that he would never need one. That somehow he would grow strong enough to laugh in the face of the doctor's and say, 'Spina bifida, bah! I can do ANYTHING!'

But the truth is, he can't fit in a stroller much longer when he gets tired of walking through the zoo, or a museum, or a mall. He doesn't even really fit in it now, we've just been trying to hold off the inevitable.

Another truth we learned this week is that Caedmon is expending 2 1/2 times the energy of another kid his age anytime he gets up to walk, moves around to play, or just goes about his normal day. I'm amazed at his tenacity because you would never guess that by watching him.

So, I'm hoping that this thing that right now seems like a chain tied around his ankle will begin to appear to me as it really is, something to help him become more mobile and independent. I have so many fears. But then again, I had so many fears when he was born and, wow!, watching him, knowing him, loving him has exploded them right and left.