Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Two Months And A Miracle Of Sorts

Happy two month birthday, Asher!  We visited with our lactation consultant to celebrate. (Insert laughing face here)

A bit of background information so you can be appropriately ecstatic with me: Asher takes 45-120 minutes to eat every time he eats. Just stop for a moment and imagine that with me.  Eight times a day, I sit on the couch with him and he sucks and sucks and sucks for an hour or two, depending on how tired he is.  It takes up a lot of day and all the food he's eating is already used up because it takes so long to get it into his little body.  End of background info.

The bad news is, Asher has not gained at all in the last week and a half.  Hmph!  The LC gave us a different bottle to try and we tried, hard, for five days.  Asher hated it.  He only ate half as much with it and mostly pushed it around with his tongue.  So, I stuck him back on the bottle he's been using since he was in Children's and he started to eat voraciously.  There you go, he likes his bottle and that's it.

The good news is, the LC said why don't you use a bit faster flow of nipple on the bottle. (Insert light bulb here)  I felt a little foolish never having even thought of trying that, considering that's why she gave me the different bottle in the first place.  Chalk that up to sleep deprivation.

So, Asher and I went shopping today.  Lo and behold, when I fed him tonight he drank his bottle within 25 minutes, including stopping to burp and getting more milk to put in!  Of course, he spit up a good portion right after.  Note to self: stop to burp more often.  But still, that is pretty good improvement!  He immediately fell into a very deep and peaceful sleep.  I'm sure his little body is so happy to have all that milk in his belly without having to fight hard to get it in there!

I feel like this is a miracle for him and for me!

We haven't given up on nursing but we have to take first things first.  So, happy birthday to my little hardworker and here's hoping he'll soon have a beautiful buddha belly.

Part of the celebration, some brother love.  Enjoy!

Thursday, March 15, 2012


When it's a balmy 55 degree spring day, what do you do with yourselves?  Stay at home and wait for the snow to melt?  Of course not!

Some people would be really interested in the Coon Rapids Dam and the mighty Mississippi.  I prefer a Jedi Knight on a tree stump.

For some reason, known only to himself, Caedmon chooses Darth Vader and the Lightning Guy (the Emperor) as his favorite characters in Star Wars.  I find this hilarious.

This morning I had the option to sweep the kitchen floor or adore a smiling baby.

I chose the smiles.

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Dance Lightly With Life

There's a counseling clinic between my house and my chiropracter's clinic. On their sign out front they have this sentence: Dance lightly with life. The first time I saw it I was worrying about the logistics of giving birth, adding a third child to the family, finances, pretty much anything I could find.

Then I read the sign.

Dance lightly with life.

I pondered it all the way through my appointment and all the way home again. It had calmed me immediately but I didn't really understand why it had such an affect on me. It continued to rattle around in my brain.

Of course, a lot happened after that and it was shoved to the back, hiding somewhere under the dust with some old colloquialisms, but on Sunday I remembered. We were going exploring to a new park that happened to be on the same route, taking us right past the sign. And there it was again.

Dance lightly with life.

And there was the happy feeling I always get when I hear something really important to my well-being and to life in general.

And I think I finally caught on to why this was so essential for me right now.

In the grand scheme of this short little time I have on earth what is it that really matters? Not spina bifida, not Down syndrome, certainly not little things like money or a grocery list! Why would I spend my limited time and energy with them?

But when I have a strangle hold on these little things I miss the beauty of the present. My dance becomes a drudgery, more of a heavy plodding. As I let go of each worry, fear, concern, I can learn to enjoy even the difficult steps.

And become the little girl, in the spring dress, barefoot in the grass, twirling in the sunlight.