Monday, July 23, 2012


When Caedmon was 10 months old I ran my first half-marathon.  That's 13.1 miles. I am very proud of that.

Today, Asher is 6 months old.  I struggled hard to complete 3 miles.  But I completed it.  Even with the humidity stuck up on our energy efficient windows yelling at me to stay inside.  Even with my body whining that the baby woke us up at 5 AM, and this is no way to start our day.  Even with the slap in the face from the heat as I walked out the door.  I got out the door and I ran and I completed it. I am very proud of that.

God teaches me lessons on perspectives a lot.  I will not always be in this place at this time.  I cannot compare this moment of my life with any other moment because life changes, circumstances change.  If I spend all my time trying to cling to the past I will have no joy for this moment.  I will be stuck in yesterday.  If I try to beat myself up for what I did then compared to what I can do now I will do nothing.

And doing something is a hell of a lot better than doing nothing.

That is my running mantra.  That is my mantra for life.  That is my kick in the pants to get me off of the couch on the days I want to do nothing.

Thursday, July 19, 2012

Kids Are Good Teachers

Asher has been home for a week and is doing very well.  He had a checkup on Monday and all things are normal.  His sodium level raised to the normal level over the weekend and he gained a pound in 2 days.  On Sunday he started to show his old self again, smiling and laughing almost nonstop.  It made me realize how much I had missed him over the last few weeks.  And how sick he had really gotten.

It also made me think about how grateful I am to have all of my boys and how much I have learned from my them. And to celebrate the first six months of having Asher as part of the family.

Damek, my first born and amazingly bright buddy of mine.  Being my first, he's taught me how to be a mom, how to apologize for the many mistakes I have made since he came into my life, how to enjoy the simple things and brush away all the crazy stimulation our world has in it.  He has helped me to realize how quickly the years fly by and how to enjoy every special moment and hold it in my heart.

Caedmon, my daredevil extraordinaire. He has taught me to celebrate and take delight in even the little things. And to not take for granted the amazing intricacy of how our bodies move and function.  He has taught me to try harder when I want to quit. Most importantly, he has taught me that beauty is a matter of the heart's response and the growth of love and has nothing to do with the outward appearance of something.

And Asher.  My heart has grown and I have found love multiplying exponentially with every child.  When Asher smiles, when he laughs, my heart fills so much I think it will actually burst.  With one smile, he makes everything disappear but the joy of that moment in time.  Through him I have learned what true, pure joy is.  I wish everyone in the world could spend one moment with him so they can understand what God created every human to be full of.  Asher is what Jesus meant when He said, "I have come that they may have life and have it to the full!" (John 10:10)

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Hospital Stay, Take 3

Our sweet Asher baby is back in the hospital. He'd been throwing up for a few days when I took him in to see our regular doctor. She thought maybe it's reflux and prescribed some medicine.

The throwing up got worse. One day it was every single time he ate. 

We took him back to his doctor she said get him to Children's, I'll tell them you're coming. He's been there for 2 days so far. 

We know he has a severe infection. They put him on the 3 most powerful antibiotics. We know his sodium was so low that he should have been having seizures. They think it was from all the throwing up. We know his kidneys are still enlarged. Tomorrow he goes in for another ultrasound to see if there is a blockage there they missed the first time. Even if there's not, we know his ureters are small so it may mean surgery to enlarge them. We won't know much more until tomorrow. 

 In the meantime, he is eating, he has not thrown up since the first round of antibiotic was given, he has been moved out of ICU, he is more awake and alert. He is also in pain. The doctors think it may be a reaction to the antibiotics but I'm not convinced. I think his kidneys are hurting him. 

I am thankful for the thoroughness of the doctors, for dedicated nurses who help you laugh, for all our friends and family who continue to pray and check in, for tiny bottles of baby shampoo so I don't have to wash with the hospital hand soap, for all of our boys taking it in stride, for my husband who takes a night shift every once in a while to give me a break, for my bed that I am now going to go fall in.

Friday, July 6, 2012

Take THAT, Spina Bifida!

Caedmon has loved swinging from the very first time he ever sat in a swing, it's the first thing he wants to do when we go to a playground and he couldn't understand why only Asher got to sit in the amazingly fun looking baby swing in our living room.  

So, when we found a craigslist deal on a small slide and swingset he thought it was better than Christmas.  Of course, I couldn't drop everything every time he wanted to go out and swing, because that would be All. The. Time. 

When you are an independent, determined boy, this is good motivation to figure things out for yourself.  Throw in a daddy who hasn't quite gotten to building the steps to the slide and you have the formula for lots of fun and a palm heal strike to the face of spina bifida.

This is Caedmon saying, 'Take THAT spina bifida!'

So you can fully appreciate this video, before this swingset came into our lives Caedmon could not walk up a slide, pull himself up onto a swing and did not know how to get himself and keep himself going.  Ha!