Care

Something that is becoming painfully obvious to me as the years go by is that as the years go by I am more and more tired. Parenting kids with special needs takes energy. At first there is a natural energy that comes with having a new baby, then an older baby, and a toddler and the regular + a little more activity that comes with parenting that age group. But then your child hits the school years, and instead of your child becoming more and more independent and less and less in need of you, there is the same amount of energy needed, sometimes more depending on the mobility of your child and how much they have grown, to continue to give them the cares they need.

And you know what this means? It means that there is more and more of a reason for you to take care of yourself. To have hobbies and activities away from your children that can feed you and energize you.

It also means that it is harder and harder to get away because it takes more and more energy to get yourself out to do something.

I remember noticing the mothers of older children when I would take my babies to medical appointments. I would note how tired they looked, how it seemed like they needed a haircut or a change of clothes or a long walk. I wanted to know what made them look so tired and why it was that they didn't seem to take care of themselves.

Now I get it.

I don't think it's inevitable. Not every parent I've met fits into the category I observed what seems like so long ago. And maybe those parents didn't either, I just saw them on a bad day. But the point is, I feel now like they appeared to me back then.

And I don't like it.

I want to care about myself. I want to have a bounce in my step and a goal I'm working toward and a life outside of my kids and work.

It is not selfish, it is healthy.

I have to tell myself that because 1) it's true and 2) our society has some pretty messed up ideas of what makes a good parent and 3) we buy in to too many lies about what constitutes a happy family.

A new day has just started as I'm typing these words. So silly to wait for New Year's Day to decide to change things for yourself. So I am deciding for today to do something that gives me joy, even if it's putting on a song I like and dancing in the kitchen. And I will, for today, do something good for my body, like 10 push-ups and 10 lunges. And I will, just for today, take intentional time to focus on God and His wisdom and power. And I will connect with one adult, even if it's just a text telling them how important they are to me. And I will be thankful for all I have, just for today.