Original Blog Post: March 23, 2011- Early Spring

I've been wanting to write this post for a while now and finally got around to it today.  Ironically, as I write this it is snowing and blowing outside.  We're forecasted to get another seven inches.  What a winter!

A week ago we had wonderfully warm temps, the snow was disappearing and we went for a walk every afternoon.  One day we got all the way up into the 50's!  We had to go to the park, it was that kind of day.

When we drove into the park we couldn't see the normally very visible playground because there were two mountain ranges worth of snow hiding it.  We were not daunted.  Caedmon had been begging for months to go swinging, what was a little snow? 

When I pulled into the parking lot, between the mountain ranges, there was no parking space available and all that could be seen of the spaces were the ends of the lines trailing off into snow banks.  There were also no cars there.  I figured, why not parellel park since we have the place to ourselves?

We pulled out Damek's scooter, hoping there might be some kind of sidewalk visible.
  
And headed for the playground.  I had to push (hard) through quite a few feet of slushy, wet snow.  I wasn't sure if we would make it or not.  Damek found some space to scooter but not much.  Here's the view of the playground once we finally got there:

We were the only people there but Caedmon had an awesome time swinging, Damek slid down slides that 'aren't wet, Mom!' and I could not have been happier, with feet soaking wet in snow (I wore clogs, wouldn't you know) and a brilliantly warm sun soaking into my face and hair.  Caedmon and I watched a bald eagle soaring high overhead as he swung.  It was lovely.

That same day, Damek, in a shocked and amazed way, showed us that his first tooth was loose!  We wondered a bit how this would go because Damek is a very passionate soul and does not like pain one bit.  But he wiggled on that tooth faithfully and just a few days ago our son became gappy for the first time!

What a nice spring.  Now if only the snow would leave for good!

Original Blog Post: March 15, 2011- Recovering

Caedmon is doing well in recovery.  In fact, I've noticed that everytime I'm nervous about something, some development or something he's supposed to do and I think this is never going to happen, Caedmon comes out with it the same day.    On our first full day home from the hospital Caedmon figured out that if he stuck a towel or blanket under his cast he could quickly scoot across the hardwood floors.  This is awesome for two reasons: it's how he is supposed to be getting around and it elevates his foot, keeping his heel off the ground, which is also what we were instructed to do.  What a little rockstar! 

Original Blog Post: March 12, 2011- Homeward

Caedmon and I arrived home exhausted but relatively unscathed from our hospital stay.  Thankfully we received our own room though the hospital we stayed at has pods, two rooms together in a larger space sharing a bathroom.  Our next door neighbor had a much tougher night and it is hard to sleep when you can hear someone crying, I've discovered.

Caedmon, we have learned, has basically no feeling at all in his foot.  His surgery was major, six pins placed to hold his bones in alignment, two of them are actually protruding from the bottom of his foot, with a large cast over it to protect and cushion his ankle/foot as it heals.  He has had one dose of Tylenol since the surgery and this was only because his temperature started to rise a bit.  The nurse recommended Tylenol because a rise in temp can indicate pain even if he wasn't showing any signs of it.

FYI: I learned today that ibuprofen can inhibit bone development and growth so we are to give Caedmon no ibuprofen over the next eight weeks unless okayed by the doc.

On the amusing side of life, Caedmon felt like the hospital was his private social site.  Every time anyone came in the room throughout the night he would immediately sit up and start talking to them.  It happened first with the cleaning lady at 8 and stretched on from there. 

At 11, he informed the new shift nurse that he was sleeping and Mommy was sleeping on her bed, 'I sleep, Mommy sleep her bed, I sleep'. 

At 12, he introduced his baby and his blankies to the new shift nurse. 

At 12:30, after his antibiotic round was finished, he let the nurse know the beeping was loud, he had a guitar and Mommy was sleeping. 

At 1:00, when the flush was finished, he asked to see the vacuum (we had taken a walk before bedtime and stood watching the custodian for a loooooonnnnggg time). 

At 4:00, he told the nurse he was still here, 'I still here'. 

At 7:15, some young doctor, a little groggy as to who, came in, flipped on the light, marched right over to Caedmon and startled him awake.  Good morning world!    Caedmon was not nearly so cute and talkative in this scenario and Mommy was not nearly so kind, though I honestly tried.

So, we are home, with orders to keep him from crawling or standing for the next two weeks.   This should be a very exciting two weeks.  They suggested we tell him to scooch on his bottom if he wants to get somewhere . . . um, yeah.  Lord, help us over the next two weeks!

Orginal Blog Post: March 11, 2011- Out And Recovering

The surgery lasted a little over 90 minutes.  He is out and doing well.  He had a 'spicy' popsicle that he loved and is his normal, gregarious self.  Thank you so much for the prayers!

Original Blog Post: March 10, 2011- On Being A Mama

Tomorrow morning I send my son off to the operating room, wheeled out by a stranger's hands, taken to a place I've never been, cared for by people I've never met. 

Tomorrow morning my heart will feel like it is gone from my chest, from the moment they take him away until the moment I get to be near him. 
Tomorrow morning a surgeon will cut my son; in order to help him he will have to hurt him.
 
Tomorrow morning my stomach will be in knots, I will have a hard time focusing, my mind will be in constant prayer, tears will be poised on the brink of falling. 

Tomorrow morning I will have to face again what all Mamas face at some point in their lives, though I always wished it would be a little longer until I had to face it: the letting go.  The realization that this child, as much as they hold your heart, is not you.  They must go.  They must have experiences apart from you.  They must be hurt in this life and, God-willing, they must grow stronger because of it.  I must allow him to be placed in God's hands and watch him leave my sight: so vulnerable, so small, so beautiful, so loved. 

Tomorrow morning will be hard.

Original Blog Post: March 9, 2011- Here We Go Again

Caedmon's surgery is scheduled for 7:30 Friday morning.  After all the times he has been the one scheduled late in the afternoon or been the emergency one fit in whenever the surgeon can get to him, I have a deep appreciation for being the first one in, especially when it means no eating or drinking before.

He had his pre-op appointment today with his pediatrician.  He gets so excited when I tell him we're going to see anybody.  With his medical history, that is quite a lengthy list.  Take the pediatrician: he's seen the man maybe three times in the last eight months, would have no idea who he was if we saw him at the grocery store, yet he starts yelling enthusiastically as I'm getting him dressed this morning, 'See Dr. Brook!  See Dr. Brook!'  All the way to the clinic he's saying this, all during check-in, all during the nurse's pre-work.  He had a great time giggling and playing during the exam and even smiled for the nurse pricking his finger and squeezing every last drop of blood out of it and just said, 'I saw Dr. Brook!'  What a loveable nut!  He's also thrilled that he gets to see Dr. Sand (the orthopedist) on Friday.  I'm hoping he does not fear the sight of him after Friday. 

For our praying friends and family, we're asking for prayers during the surgery, specifically, there is a chance that Caedmon could need a blood transfusion if things do not go well, we are praying this is not needed.  After surgery Caedmon will need to have his leg elevated for a while and will be admitted to the hospital for 1-2 days.  We are praying it is only 1 and that his leg shows wonderful signs of healing.  Ultimately, we pray that this surgery will be more successful then anyone anticipates and goes a long way to bringing flexibility to his foot and alignment to his ankle bones. 

Thank you so much for your continued support and care of our little warrior!

Original Blog Post: March 3, 2011- The God Of Hope

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.  Romans 15:13

I am thankful for the God of hope, Who sends me visions of the greater picture when my mind is so focused on tiny detail, Who sees when I am caught in a riptide of hopelessness and sends me a lifeline to cling to, Who gives me a hug when I forget how much I need them, Who helps me to laugh at myself and see the humor in my darkest mood.  What a kind, good God!

Growing up we rarely, if ever, went to a doctor.  Unless there was a sign of something broken or a tumor, you suffered through it and went on with life.  So, in my mind, doctor=certain death, or something like that.  Having a child who needs major medical attention several times a year scheduled and more unscheduled is a big, big area of growth for this anti-medical (and tiny bit of a worry-wart) mama.

Thankfully, I have a husband who is very familiar with the inside of a doctor's clinic and special needs are not a foreign concept.  The other night he said to me, 'We knew Caedmon would need more work on his feet as he grew.  This is what will make him stronger later.' 

Light bulb.   

A little later that same day I received an e-mail from Caedmon's aquatherapist.  'Don't forget that this surgery will make him stronger.  With his bones aligned he'll be able to do more and go farther.' 

Light bulb.  

Okay, God, I think I'm getting it.

Today, folding laundry, I realized that my stomach muscles were in huge knots.  I stopped and prayed, 'God, please take care of Caedmon.' 

Big wave of Peace. 

Sigh.  Light bulb.

I think I still have a long way to go to overflowing, but I'm sure thankful for the promise!