Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Original Blog Post: June2, 2009- Chipmunks

Act 1:  Day 1-The Taste
Adam is on the phone with his parents when a certain 3 year old accomplice who shall remain nameless lets the dog out the door.  She flies out the door, like a bullet from a gun, and in less time then it takes to say, "What the . . . " she has the head of a hapless chipmunk in her mouth.  Munch.  Adam grabs her, brings her inside.  It's too late for poor Chip.  His body is thrown, unceremoniously, into the dumpster.

Act 2:  Day 2-The Glory
I am doing dishes upstairs, enjoying the breeze.  I've left the sliding door open to the deck so the dog can come in and out at will.  I hear a racket behind me and turn to see one of our cats and our dog racing through the living room.  I think they are just playing, as happens occasionally.  "Skoozie!"  I whisper menacingly, "Leave the cat alone."  The baby has just gone to sleep, not good for animal's health if said animal wakes up baby.  I notice a rather guilty look on the dogs face as she slinks out the still open door.  I notice a look of annoyance on the cat's face.  I look again at the dog, now lying on the deck.  I see her spit out the seemingly lifeless body of a chipmunk onto the deck and as I race toward her she chomps it twice and it's gone.  Not without leaving behind the sounds of a desperate squeak, sounding disconcertingly exactly like a squeaky dog toy.

Act 3:  Day 3-The Triumph
(I preface this act by saying we have a cat-made catdoor in our downstairs sliding screen door.) 
I am talking with my mom on the phone and trying to put Caedmon's braces back on after his exercise time.  I hear this strange meowing, starting downstairs but getting closer.  I look up in time to see the same frustrated cat from Act 2 drop a seemingly lifeless chipmunk on the floor of the living room, ten feet away from me.  She is so proud of herself she just flops down next to it, batting it gently with her paws and looking at me as if to say, "That stupid dog is not the only one who can do the catching around here.  I brought this for you!"  I completely flip out, hang up on my mom while talking incoherently, put the dog out on the deck before she can chomp this one, throw the cat out behind the dog, pace around a few seconds trying to figure out what I'm going to do, run downstairs for a broom and dustpan, grab mismatched winter gloves out of a closet, run back upstairs thanking God that Caedmon is sitting high up off of the floor, move tentatively toward the chipmunk expecting it at any moment to jump up and run straight for me, gently sweep it into the dustpan, move slowly towards the door, hit the dustpan against the door jam trying to get the door open.  The chipmunk sits up, looks at me, jumps off the dustpan, runs into the corner next to the fireplace.  Meanwhile, I see Cat #2 outside coming toward the door.  I grab him, throw him in Caedmon's room, call the dog in off the deck, grab her collar, run her through the living room, throw her in Damek's room, always keeping an eye on the chipmunk, still in the corner.  I open both doors, grab my broom and try to move the chipmunk in the right direction, wondering where Cat #1 is and if it will pounce on the chipmunk as soon as I get it out the door.  Caedmon is having a total ball and thinks this is great entertainment and needs to happen everyday.  I move the chipmunk within a foot of the door when he stops and starts running the other way.  I leap over a chair and slide my broom toward him.  He runs out the door.  I slam it shut behind him, shut the other door, fly downstairs to see if I can locate Cat #1 who I see racing over to the side of the house after something.  I'm right behind her and grab her just as I hear an alarmed squeal and chipmunk (from upstairs, I can tell from the cat slobber that's still wet on his back) races into a hole.  I take Cat #1 into the house, drop her on the floor, shut the glass door, and reach for the chocolate.

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